Coming To Terms With Christmas
by MewSara100
Summary: Christmas Eve and Christmas have always been rough for Kish. It was then that he lost his mother, and it was then that his pain began. However, can Ichigo heal his bitter heart, and bring him to terms with the one person he's not spoken to since then?RxR!


"Momma, don't go!" silent tears cascaded slowly down the sides of the boy's pale cheeks, dripping lightly from his chin, down across his tiny fingers, balled tightly into the sheet of his mother's bed, only to find themselves sliding off, leaving salty clear streaks across his face and hands.

"I'm gonna be with Jesus. I'll always be watching you, so don't be sad, Kish. Just remember, you gotta pray every night, so you and God have an open connection." with painstakingly slow, aching movements, she brought her frail white palm to his cheek, wiping away the stray tears that fell, before finally bringing it down to clasp his own tiny hand.

He remembered it so clearly as he looked back. Through the sharp pangs of death that pierced his mothers heart, each time she would talk about Heaven, each time the word God, or Jesus, or even Angels or Blessings slipped from her thin, weak lips, she would always smile. An expression of pure joy and happiness would sweep across her features, and she would momentarily forget the pain.

He also remembered, quite bitterly, that it was right after she'd said this that she had passed on, her hand slowly falling back to its place beside her limp body, cold, lifeless, dormant.

Looking back, he would always remember, with bitter clarity, that she'd left him there, to keep going. No, he thought, she hadn't left him, God had taken her. Thus, whenever the conversation would turn to such things as belief and religion, he would simply scowl and walk away, only to brood, and to feel nothing but pain and bitterness towards the one who'd stolen away his only happiness.

No, he thought one day, as he buried his face within the soft warmth of his forest green pillowcase, he WOULDN'T pray! He refused to pray to the one who had decided to just, out of the blue, take away his one and only mother.

After he'd thought this, he'd proceeded to through said pillow angrily against the pale green wall that sat farthest from him, sending a furrow of thick feathers flying into the air, only to cascade down around him.

"I could care less about him!" tossing the second pillow from his bed, he realized, with great horror, that it was headed straight for his nightstand, where his framed picture of Ichigo sat, smiling back at him with warmth.

"Got it!" heaving a troubled sigh as he teleported in front of the pillow, just in time, he merely flopped the feathery thing back onto his bead and proceeded to turn, facing the tiny oak framed picture. "Well, at least I've got you to keep me company then."

It was then that a thought began to cross his mind. He would go and visit Ichigo! He'd heard that she would be walking through the park alone after work that day, and it was just about time! So, quickly tugging on his onyx leather trench coat, followed by a pair of dark green gloves and crimson red scarf, he was soon ready, teleporting straight to the park.

Coincidentally, as he stood there, gazing down at the expression of pure shock on his neko's features, he realized, with a tiny twinge of rage, that the park speakers were sending out a slow melody of carols, causing his ears to twitch some as he cringed.

"Kish...Merry Christmas!" apparently he'd lost his touch, because she had quickly resumed her cheery demeanor, and was smiled straight up at him, the same way she'd always smiled at a friend.

"Are you high?" was the only thing that left his mouth as he stared down at her cheery faced figure, her arms tightly wrapped around her body, with various shopping bags dangling off of them.

"Of course not, Kish! It's Christmas time, and I just got done buying everyone's gift! I even got you one too!" that lighthearted smile had never left her as she continued to stare up at him, oddly at ease with his presence.

"What have you been taking? Do you have a fever?! The flu maybe?!" quickly raising his hand to her forehead, he sighed, realizing that her temperature was just fine.

"Kish, I'm fine. You don't look too good though. Have you been crying?" this time it was her turn to reach up and touch his face, placing her chilly bare hand upon the side of his face, tinted slightly red. He couldn't tell her why he'd been crying. If he could, then he'd break down again.

"No, it's fine. More over, why aren't you wearing any gloves?! For goodness sake, you're not even wearing a hat or a scarf, much less anything more than a tiny fall coat!" referring to the light pink jacket she wore, along with the lack of gloves and scarf she dawned, Kish, groaned audibly as he reached outward, pulling her swiftly into his open trench coat, buttoning in around her and himself.

"Um..." was all she could say at a thick flurry of snow showered the two, nearly blinding Ichigo as she desperately clutched her bags to her in an attempt at warmth.

"Here, I'll carry your bags. You, on the other hand, need to come closer. That way, I can warm you up." his face shown seriously down upon her as she blushed feverishly, quickly complying to what he'd asked of her.

Allowing him to take her two shopping bags, she focused on wrapping her arms around him and burying her nose in his chest.

He wouldn't lie, it felt nice to have her right beside him like this. Probably, if it weren't for the bitter cold around them, she would have never agreed to something so awkward.

"Please, explain to me exactly WHY you don't have any gloves." what would have been taken as a question from anyone else was a demand because it was Kish. He didn't look too happy right now, his golden eyes narrowed in annoyance and his lips a firm line of disapproval.

"Well, it wasn't that cold when I left work, and the weather report said that there'd actually be melting snow. I guess they were wrong though." shivering meekly, due to a strong gust of wind, she instinctively huddled closer to him.

"It can't be helped then, I guess. Just come on, I'll buy you some cocoa and a treat." wrapping his free arm around her tiny body, he began to walk, making sure he kept her face covered in his collar, to protect it from the snow.

No one but they could be found outside at that time, everyone else having gone home already, or having taken refuge in a nearby shop or restaurant. It was just the two of them out there, trudging down the semi-plowed cobblestone park path.

...

"Welcome! How many in your party, sir?" the woman was around her thirties, her chocolate curls streaked with age. It showed somewhat, with it pulled back, into a ponytail. Her features were slightly wrinkled, pale and soft. Her voice was equally as sweet, yet somewhat subtle with age. She' d obviously had a lot going on, having experienced much in life, yet still worked hard, her eyes of pale blue shining bright with Christmas cheer.

The two, Ichigo and Kish, stood side by side, Ichigo having unraveled herself from within Kish's coat at the door. She now stood silently beside him, allowing her tiny body to become accustomed to the warmth of the store's heater.

"Two please." was all Kish had said, his voice flat, and almost as monotonous as Pei's.

"Right this way then!" a warm smile still spread across her features, the woman ushered them quickly to an open table, stationed in the back, with a great window view beside them.

"Thank you, Mary." her voice was small, gentle and slightly weary from staying out in the snow as she shopped. Her own hazel chocolate eyes filled with warmth as she acknowledged the woman, who returned the soft smile.

"It's good to see you again, Ichigo. I see you've hooked a good one this time!" eying Kish speculatively, Mary became silent, slowly nodding her approval when finished. "He's much better than the last one you had. What was his name?...Maseyah, Aowyamo?"

"Does it matter?" at this, the two shared a silent smile, their eyes sparkling in good natured humor. "Kish, this is Mary! She and my mom worked together at a diner in high school."

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm Kish, Ichigo's friend." holding out his hand politely, Kish watched the lady slowly lift her own hand, tiny as it was, to him. They shared a warm smile as they shook, obviously feeling quite at home with one another.

"Well, I'll give you two lovebirds a minute to decide! Just call me over when you've got it!" smiling mischievously down at the two, sitting across from one another, she simply left it at that and walked away.

"Are you warmed up now?"

Raising her eyes to meet with his, she was slightly taken aback by the humor that floated within them. He'd leaned over the table, his signature smirk firmly in place as he rested his chin in his palm, his elbow then resting on the tabletop.

"Yeah...Th-thanks for that..." blushing some, Ichigo then proceeded to fiddle with her napkin, tugging a tiny edge of it in her fingers. 'Why'd I agree to get a treat with him? Ichigo, what's the matter with you?! ...Then again, Aoyama moved away and got hitched...I guess it's alright then...'

As this fierce mental debate soon ceased to rage within her mind, she was suddenly snapped back to reality, by the fact that Kish was still staring at her, now chuckling in amusement.

"You know, she reminds me of my mom...She's just as gentle, and has the exact same sense of humor. She was a kind woman...and her heart was always focused on God, no matter what...Then, and just like that though, God had stabbed me in the back. On Christmas Eve, at exactly the stroke of midnight, he took her away from me..." sighing, he'd said this more to himself than to her.

However, that didn't stop her from hanging onto his every sorrowful word. Soon, her own face, red with embarrassment, turned immediately to worry as she leaned closer, her eyes full with concern.

It was only when a trickle of sorrowful crystal tears cascaded down his cheeks that she'd decided things needed fixing. So, with the gentle ease of a mother, she leaned across the table, wiping away those tears before they could reach his jaw. With the back of her hand, she lightly stroked his pale cheek, feeling each and every shake of his body as he silently wept.

Glancing around, she realized that there was no one at all around, no one outside, no waiters or waitresses in the place. They could've all gone home, or were on break. Mary might have been called from home to come to the hospital. Her child had a fever, and things there were hard as well. So, taking this opportunity, she slowly brought down her hand from his cheek, only to clasp them firmly around his balled up fists.

"Kish...you really miss your mom, huh?" with a tiny nod of his head, she continued. "Are you quite sure that it's hate you're feeling towards God? I mean, everyone has a time, and it was just that time for your mom."

"No...it wasn't! She'd promised she'd be with us when we grew up! She promised she'd take my sisters and I to church each Sunday!" his clenched fists only proceeded to tighten in anger as fresh tears flowed from the corners of his eyes.

"Well, let's see. You say that she loved the Lord...and that she wanted to teach you all she knew about Him, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, just think, if she would've stayed, then things would be totally different, wouldn't they. I mean, they might be a bit happier, but just think, your mother would have only suffered more from her cancer if God hadn't decided it was her time...She said she'd watch over you, no matter what. Heck, if she hadn't gone, you would've never gained the courage to come to Earth in the first place. Thus, you would've never met Taruto, and you would've never met Pai. Heck, you would've never even met me, Kish..."

"I...I guess...But, it that was the case, and God could've just healed her or raised her from the dead, then why didn't He?! I mean, why does my heart ache so badly?! Surely God didn't bring me this pain!"

"No...because God can only bring about good to come. Kish, this pain in your chest...there was a man, around 2000 or so years back who had had some kind of, shall I call it, 'Thorn in his side'. He'd prayed to God three whole times, begging Him to remove this thorn.

___**7**__**To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. **__**8**__**Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. **__**9**__**But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. **__**10**__**That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.**_

"No matter what, He loves you, and only wants the best for you...Kish...He might be setting you up for something far greater than anything you could possibly dream...The only question is, are you willing to listen?" if it were even possible, her smile became even warmer, her hands gently holding his own, reassuring him that things were alright.

"I've tried! Don't you think I've tried?! I mean, each time I ask the Lord WHY, it's like He's ignoring me! I don't know what to do..."

"Kish...it's not in the way of the Lord to outright tell you what is in store for you. Sometimes, only a broken heart, willing to take a second look, is the only thing able to see the signs before it. I don't know if I've helped you any, but I solemnly hope I have. Here, take this. Go there this Sunday at ten thirty, and I can bet that you'll feel better."

He'd been so consumed in his crying, he hadn't realized that she'd gone. As he glanced up, he realized that she now stood at the counter of the store, handing Mary some money, pointing towards his table. She nodded, handing her a thermos and a foam box before walking his way, a tray in hand.

"Where's she going, Mary?!" now slightly afraid and confused, Kish was staring up at Mary as she set the cocoa and chocolate cake in front of him.

"Oh, she just needed to get going...She says that she's got more work to do for tomorrow!"

"Huh?" tilting his head in a questioning manner, he had failed to notice the folded sheet of paper that he was grasping numbly before him.

"Oh, you don't know?...She volunteers at a small church, just down the road aways. She was out buying decorations when she ran into you, dear." smiling warmly, she shuffled through her pocket, retrieving a tiny pale orange cloth with which she used to wipe his cheeks. "It's alright, dear. Here, sip your cocoa and have some cake. It's gonna all be alright, don't you worry. Ichigo just has some special way of making things better, no matter what it is."

With a light pat on the back, Mary was off, back into the kitchen, leaving a tear stained Kish to sit in the booth, sipping his cocoa.

'What did she give me, I wonder?' setting down his mug, he tenderly began to fondle the light green sheet of paper she'd given him, relishing the strawberry smell that still lingered.

As he stared down at it, his eyes transfixed and his interest peaked, he read the paper.

_Come on over and let's all celebrate His birthday! Worship, commune, praise, and honor Him this Christmas season!_

_Steels Corners Community Church, praising the Lord this holiday season!_

_Pastor Shaun Mcnea and the gang would love to see you!_

_Have a Blessed Christmas._

Unbelievable! He hadn't even realized there was a church so close! Then again, he'd never really looked.

Sighing wearily, he decided that he had nothing else to loose. So, he decided, with just a tiny sliver of hope still left, it wouldn't hurt any worse than it did now. He had nothing else to do that day anyways.

...

"A new face! Ichigo told us to expect a visitor!" reaching out merrily, a pleasant smile on his face, an elderly man greeted Kish at the door, a neatly folded flyer in hand.

"Th-thank you, sir..." with shaking knees and a dry throat, he reached forward and retrieved the colorful piece of paper, reading it intently till he came to the second pew on the left.

There, in a red and green checked turtleneck and tan slacks, sat Ichigo, her hair down, cascading across her shoulders. When she'd caught sight of him, she simply smiled and patted the seat beside her own on the pew.

Gratefully he took her offer, happy to be able to sit. His knees wouldn't stop shaking, and he felt like he'd fall over. 'This will be a long day...' he thought miserably, standing to sing the opening hymn from an open hymnal Ichigo held. They were all standing, all singing. Some off key, yet totally at ease and happy.

It was odd, the air of peace that was slowly beginning to set into him. Halfway through the service, right at the beginning of the sermon, he bowed his head to pray, just like the rest of them. However, he'd not expected to pray what he had.

'God...it's me. I know we haven't talked all that much...ever since you took mom...and...and I don't really know why I'm mad, but I just am. I know that I'll just need to cope. But please, please understand that my heart...it aches. Ichigo says that you'll show me some kind of sign that somethings going to go right...Well....I'm willing to listen. I'm broken Lord, and I really want to come back...'

Grasping Ichigo's hand with his own, his eyes still firmly shut, he inhaled deeply, before finally letting go of all he'd held back...He wouldn't fight Him anymore on it. He was all ears.

As Ichigo tightened her grasp on his hand, a sweet comfort to him, it seemed as if some sort of strong emotion swept across his body. It caused him to shiver, to squeeze shut his eyes. What was going on?

Soon, however, the time for prayer ended, and the sermon began. However, that strange sensation still lingered in the midst of the sermon, and he couldn't help but to sit on the edge of his seat, hanging onto each and every word that the preacher spoke.

...

In a short while, it had all ended. He had followed Ichigo out into the parking lot, totally unseen by anyone else but Ichigo it seemed. As they neared the edge, Ichigo halted abruptly, spinning on her heal, in order to face Kish.

"Huh? What is it, Ichigo...?" with a look of shier worry within his features, he feared that she may be angry at him for something.

However, that didn't seem to be the case. The pleasant smile had never left her features as she leaned up, gently kissing his chilly lips. Once numb, they were now tingling in warmth, and it seemed as though he'd been too slow to react. For, just as soon as it'd begun, did she pull away.

"W-what was that for?!" there was that dizzy shaky feeling in his legs again! What was going on?!

"I just wanted to give you your early Christmas present is all!" motioning towards his green gloved hands, which he'd brought to his chest when she'd kissed him, she smiled in warmth.

"What's this?" lifting up the tiny green box to his eye level, he then proceeded to stare at her, as if he was unsure weather or not to open it.

"It's fine, Kish! I got that when I was out, because I couldn't stop thinking about you. Just consider it a farewell gift."

"Farewell?...Why, where are you going?!" clutching the box tightly, he stared down at her in worry, unwilling to believe that she was leaving.

"Mm...Yeah, my job here's done, so I don't have any other reason to stay..."

"Hold on! You're not making any sense! First of all, yesterday, when you started talking about my mom and her cancer! How'd you know that?! How'd you know what was said?!"

"I just did, that's all." shrugging, as if it were nothing, she simply smirked and patted the side of his face. "I'll be seeing your mom too! She really is proud of you, Kish. Have a blessed Christmas."

Once again leaning up, she encircled his neck with her arms, their lips met, and sparks of warmth ran the length of his body, despite the bitter cold. His eyes closed, only for a moment. Though, it had seemed that that moment had been much too long. With a single gust of wind she had gone, nowhere to be seen.

Her lips still lingered on his, as if to always remind him of her.

It was then that he realized, with sudden curiosity, that he was still holding the unopened box. So, lifting it up, he gently gave the satin red ribbon a tug, watching it unfold. He then proceeded to lift the dark green lid, peering cautiously inside.

Reaching in, he pulled out his tiny gift. First a thin chain of silver, followed by a tiny silver cross, with a shining emerald jewel in the middle. It was otherwise quite plain, quite modest.

Once again his hand went in, an odd strawberry scent following his hand as he pulled it out, revealing a tiny, folded pink sheet of paper, with Ichigo's handwriting.

**Dear Kish,**

**I just wanted to say that I really hope God blesses you greatly this Christmas time. And also, that I love you. I've been meaning to tell you for a while, but I hadn't for some time, because of butterflies in my stomach. **

**Love ICHIGO!!!**

A sorrowful smile spread across his lips as he reread the letter. Gingerly he then proceeded to stuff it into his pocket, before clasping securely the chain around his neck.

"I love you too, Ichigo-Chan!" with this, he walked away.

...

"Who?!"

"You've got to be kidding me! You mean you don't remember your own daughter?!"

"Dear, we're really sorry, but we don't have any children...I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken! Have a Blessed Christmas though!" with this the door shut softly, and the padding of soft footsteps faded.

"How can she not remember Ichigo?! She was her own daughter!" it was then that he'd felt the strange need to reread the note she'd given him that Sunday.

Sure enough, though he had no clue how, more words had appeared on the note, still in Ichigo's sloppy handwriting.

**P.S. You may or may not be wondering why no one remembers me...Well, let's just say that my job on earth was only temporary. Oh, and your mom says hi!**

**Love ICHIGO!!!**

**

* * *

**

**I wrote this especially for those of you facing problems like these. You may have lost someone you care about during this holiday season, and maybe you just feel like God let you down. Trust me, He didn't!**

**I know for a fact, because right before Christmas, at the start of the holiday season last year, I lost my grandmother to cancer...just recently, my sister lost a friend to cancer. It's pretty hard to cope, and for a while I went on with somewhat bitter feelings towards my grandmother. Though, I still don't know why.**

**She's the reason I inherited the artistic gene, I guess.**

**To all of you out there this Christmas season, may God Bless you abundantly! God Bless! **


End file.
